I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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