I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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