You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
