Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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