if only i could text you this smell
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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