We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
