i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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