Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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