i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
