i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
