i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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