Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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