Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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