Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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