I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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