Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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