I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
