If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
