my mouth tastes like poor choices
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
