The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
