He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
