somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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