My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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