so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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