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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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