Bisexual people are plain selfish.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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