I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
