Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
