how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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