I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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