The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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