the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
