Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
