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I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
