my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
