I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
40s are totally the cure
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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