I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
