So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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