i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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