remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
