we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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