Where is the hickey?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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