just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
