now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
