Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
