My first STD was from a foam party
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
