In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
