..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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