FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
