shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
