I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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