I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Someone signed my nipple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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