Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
