looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
