I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
